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  • Writer's pictureAndrea Harris

Two 8s happily married- But HOW?

I HATE touching the Enneagram topic because I HATE putting myself, or anyone else in a box. But I have found it to be fascinating in some ways. Especially when it comes to My Philip and I. It has given us so much insight on how two extremely opinionated, strong-minded people can get along so well.

Typically 8s are known as strong-minded, assertive, and decisive. Sometimes they are negatively viewed as bossy, irrational, and stubborn. But many times, it's a misconception. Healthy 8s are justice-minded and things are usually pretty black and white. They are confident and resourceful. They are the seize-the-day-energetic type. But the tricky part is, how is it possible that two 8s are married, never mind living under the same roof without wanting to kill each other on a daily? How does it work? How in the world could two Enneagram 8s be happily and more importantly, successfully married? These were my exact questions until I read something that made SO much sense. The realization made me squeal, "OH MY GOSH, YES!"


Phil's not afraid to put me in my place or tell me when I am being completely unreasonable... or from time to time (very rarely) a pain in the butt. Ha! He's a straight shooter and does not shy away from confrontation. But then, this is also me with him. We disagree passionately and make-up just the same. We bring the same qualities to the table, which although at a glance may seem like a curse, it has actually been a blessing. There is no hidden agenda or secret hidden feelings with double 8s. We know how we feel at any given time. We match each others' energy and can heavily rely on each other. The Enneagram institute states, "When two Eights are well matched, they paradoxically both stimulate each other and relax each other at the same time. They know that they have what it takes as a team to do what needs to be done, to be safe, secure, and stable in their own world. The feeling is "We've got it covered." Rather than be marked by high energy, quiet confidence is a hallmark of a double Eight couple. This is because they are relieved (and quietly happy) to have found someone else strong who they can depend on. This also leads to a profound feeling of mutual respect, direct and frequent communication, the ability to air their needs and feelings and to settle their occasional disagreements cleanly and quickly." More on this here.


Realizing these qualities have actually helped us better understand each other. They say opposites attract. Usually, it's because the opposite person brings qualities needed as they balance each other out. But what if you're married to someone who is SO much like you? Knowing this can actually be a window of insight. It helps you see your shortcomings as well as your powerhouse strengths.

And yes, of course, the Lord has been what has held us together. No matter what two numbers we may be, He has to be at the foundation and center. Holy Spirit is the one that leads us and prompts us to forgive and repent to the other just the same. But what I have loved about this whole number thing, is finding little truths about what our personalities bring to the table. We have found ourselves laughing at the end of heated disagreements after learning some of this. I encourage you to learn what your partner is. It will amaze you and give you so much insight on your needs as well as theirs.

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